Followers of South Indian Cinema in general and Tamil cinema in particular would remember the hit film ‘Manal Kayiru’ in which playwright and stage veteran Visu made his debut as a director. The film has the male protagonist played by comedian S.Ve.Shekhar laying out an elaborate list of 8 conditions which a girl must satisfy to become his wife. The director himself playing the role of a marriage broker in the pre – Shaadi.com/Bharatmatrimony.com,… era lines up a girl and cons the hero into accepting her by proving that all his conditions were met. In these times of sequels, if one thinks of making Manal Kayiru – 2, one important change is called for in the script. Or rather a role reversal. Today, it has to be the female protagonist who has to dish out the conditions to be met by her potential suitor. A survey conducted by a matrimonial site clearly pointed to the trend of more and more girls putting forth conditions before taking the final plunge.
I thought that this emerging change was wonderfully picked up by ‘Shaadi.com’ a leading match making portal when they started running a very interesting TV commercial which showed young liberated girls. They claimed in a montage of visuals that they will marry but in their own terms. You may see the ad here. The ad ends with a super with a very firm voice over – Shaadi.com – My conditions apply!!! I must say that the creators of the ad (JWT I think) have a very good sense of what is happening today and smartly weaved it into the commercial. This is today’s generation of girls who are extremely liberated and self-confident.
It’s my premise that much of this change must be owed to the IT revolution which programmed India in the late 90’s. In one of my earlier pieces I had attributed the Ascent and Revenge of the Mamis to this same IT revolution. (You may read that piece here). Now I must say that the “Revenge of the Mamis to be” can also be ascribed to the growth of IT Industry in India and its hitherto successful run in empowering Middle Class Indians and the women folk. Traditionally a core Engineering/Mfg. Company would prefer to hire male engineers citing tough conditions at work. But with IT, that line just diffused.
Ergo, India’s IT rise has stopped the party the boys were having, on its tracks. For long in India the boys were a privileged lot and were used to listing a set of conditions and detailed specifications for their wives to be. Must know to cook, must be domesticated enough, must quit the job after children and if it’s Tambrahm community – must be trained in classical music, must be trained in Bharatnatyam (but must stop dancing after marriage) ,…,… were some of the wish list. But today, it’s the girl who calls the shots. In the “getting to know each other date”, the girls come prepared with a clear set of questions and conditions while the boys just show up.
Like
- A minimum 5 figure salary/month (preferably take home that is). To be proved with a copy of the last not one but 3 salary slips😊
- Should have a house in his name (shared or an ancestral property is not enough😊)
- Should be owning a four-wheeler
- If its IT – should have opportunity for “on site”😊
- Cannot be in ‘Joint family” post marriage
- “I will have to take care of my parents even after marriage. No questions to be asked”.
- You have to treat my family as yours”
- ,..
- ,..
And making it abundantly clear what to expect and what not to expect after marriage. Like
- “I can’t cook to save my life. Will try to learn as much as possible. But you should manage to cook”😊😊
- “Will dress as my wont – modern, traditional, whatever”
- “Will not give up my job under any circumstances”
- “I will decide when and how many children to have”
- “No joint family under any circumstances”
- ‘Will retain my surname”
- ,…
- ,…
While most of the above still lie in the realm of reasonable expectations, there are some which border on the extremes. Sample this:
- Like when a girl asked her potential suitor – “how many luggage you have???” – And she meant parents, sisters, brothers,..😁and particularly wanting to make sure there was no “unmarried sister”😄😄
- When the shocked boy objected (sort of) to the use of the word luggage for family members, she quipped, “Relax, I just said “luggage” and not “Excess baggage”😄😄
- Like when a girl candidly said – “I turn on the GPS as soon as I enter the house – so that I can locate the kitchen😜😜
- Like for a change one girl gladly accepted to live in a joint family post marriage adding “Somebody has to handle the kitchen and take care of the child when we have one, no???”😜
- Like when a girl scanned the boy’s complete FB profile/posts and ofcourse friend list (particularly the girls type) and asked, “Who is this _____?? You seem to like all her bakwas (If it’s another girl it has to be bakwas😜) posts and post elaborate comments!!!”
Particularly at a time when the gender ratio is skewed against the men in many communities, they are at the receiving end of this revenge onslaught. “So my dear younger generation “to be married” male doston, All the very best! And be prepared with “No conditions apply” from your side and for “Many conditions apply” from their side.”😄😄
Kyunki, Mera Desh, Mera desh badal raha hai, Aage badh raha hai!!!😁😁😁
Well written Anand, I thoroughly enjoyed reading this. I vouch for the content as my uncles daughters had so many conditions to marry that it took ages to find a suitor who will comply!. These days the ratio is skewed in favour of girls… so they can choose, and usually they are employed and choose their life. Welcome to the modern world!
In our community this is the happening trend! The gender equality is welcome. Hopefully the ‘ konjam over’ stuff will settle down soon. Thanks for your views!
Fun reading Anand ! And yes the ad you mention ” my conditions apply ” was done by JWT Mumbai:)
Thanks Rajesh for reading and writing in. Kudos to your team for the insightful campaign. Do share the post if you feel worthwhile!!! Thanks once again!!!
I like this change in society to equality, though some conditions are worryingly undermining Indian trading of joint family. Very good thought for the present time. Well written as usual.
I agree with you Suri on the gender equality except some over the top positions bordering on immaturity. I’m sure this will also pass!!! Thanks for your comments, Suri
Anand, ROS, …right on spot…. definitely a representation on the educated and career oriented class….perhaps a bit skewed towards the lady. And we can see it happening around….. in our families.
Would it be the same for masses? Perhaps some awakening there. And some of them would be very fortunate if they have understanding spouses.
Hi Vaibhav, Good to hear from you Sir. Yes, this is more on the upwardly mobile class and certainly not at a rural/mass level. Thanks for your feedback!
As usual nice writeup. Now no girls available 90 born.
Thanks Kumar. is it???
RSA nice I enjoyed reading. In near future reality struck’s . Have to face it. It is going to be a art of living. – DrKLN
Hi KLN, Yes absolutely true!. Thanks for reading and writing in!
Hi Anand,
I guess I have been out of touch. I heard this from some of our friends and thought there may be an element of blowing things out of proportion. Reading your article changes that perspective. Change is inevitable. Some are good and others not so good. The pace of changing is certainly worrying though. Hope good common sense prevails and maturity sets in soon enough for youngsters. Well written buddy.
Hi Nambi, Good to hear from you. Though some bit of it is ‘over the top”, most of it is in line with whats happening today in many communities!! Thanks for writing in Dr!
Very interesting artice, the hot topic of the day.
While the previous generation, male dominated, resorted to excesses to reinfoce their dominance, the current generation with the girls demanding more is only repeating these very excesses .
Gender equality is very necessary but is never easy without understanding and a policy of give and take.
In all this developments, we seem to forget the essence of living and the family values are getting annihilated.
Short term victories/ dominance is never going to build long term, ever lasting values.
Thanks Subra for the comment and feedback. You have absolutely nailed it!!